“One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons.”

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, 1906-1945 (German Lutheran pastor and theologian. His involvement in a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler led to his imprisonment and execution)

Coming Out Of The Wilderness WIth Power

The term “wilderness experience” rarely, if ever, means a time or place of leisure. A wilderness certainly is no oasis. In fact, by definition it is a remote environment devoid of all outward appeal, hope or comfort. It is a hostile place where few would willingly go. Most of us actually would resist going into a wilderness, yet that is exactly where God sent His Son.

GOD LEADS HIS SON INTO THE WILDERNESS
Before Jesus began His public ministry, John baptized Him in the Jordan River. As He came up out of the water, the voice of God spoke audibly from heaven saying, “Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased” (Luke 3:22). Simultaneously, the Holy Spirit descended upon Him in the form of a dove, empowering Him for service. You might assume that Jesus would immediately go into public ministry, but this was not the case. “Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness” (Luke 4:1).

Jesus embraced this barren setting as a positive rather than a negative experience for Him. We need to look closely at the truth of His example, and consider whether we too will allow God to use our time spent in the wilderness as a means of knowing Him in a greater measure.

JESUS CONTINUALLY RETURNS TO THE WILDERNESS
“Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto him; and he laid his hands on every one of them, and healed them. And devils also came out of many, crying out, and saying,‘Thou art Christ the Son of God.’ And he rebuking them suffered them not to speak: for they knew that he was Christ. And when it was day, he departed and went into a desert place” (Luke 4:40–42).

Jesus voluntarily returned again and again to the wilderness after healing the multitudes and bringing deliverance to the oppressed.

“But so much the more went there a fame abroad of him: and great multitudes came together to hear, and to be healed by him of their infirmities. And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed” (Luke 5:15–16).

When Jesus’ fame spread abroad, He again headed for the sanctity of the wilderness. He understood the need to establish God as His sole source of strength. This would continually give God all the glory and honor.

Many of us do not want to embrace what Jesus is clearly showing us—that thewilderness is not to be avoided, but rather should be accepted and understood. As a believer, ask yourself the question: Why did Jesus keep going back to such a harsh and uninviting place? Could it be that God was revealing something of His strength there? Was Jesus receiving a hidden treasure from God which the natural mind could not comprehend?

I believe God wants to bring you to a place where you begin to understand why you go through hard times. In the Bible, there are many examples that illustrate what God can accomplish in the wilderness.

GOD LEADS HIS PEOPLE INTO THE WILDERNESS
When Israel was held captive in Egypt, God said to Moses, “…you must go straight to the king of Egypt and tell him, ‘The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us. Let us go on a three-day journey into the wilderness to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God.’” (Exodus 3:18, NLT). Three days into the bone-dry countryside was far enough for them to be out of reach from everything which bound them or offered creature comforts. Little did they know that it would become a place of incredible worship and provision for them. Here they would witness God’s might as He fought for them and gave them a great deliverance.

Pharaoh, who represents natural man, only saw a weak, beggarly people trapped in the desert, confused and directionless. He instructed his commanders to gather together the chariots and the weapons and go after them. “They are entangled in the land, the wilderness has shut them in” (Exodus 14:3, NLT). Pharaoh wrongly interpreted what God was doing with His chosen people. He could not see God in the wilderness. In the end he and his immense host of horsemen were defeated in the Red Sea—and the Israelites triumphed!

If you look only with your natural vision, the wilderness can seem an unlikely place to find God. And if you choose to avoid the wilderness, you will never know the supernatural pathways revealed there.

GOD DEALS WITH SIN IN THE WILDERNESS
In the wilderness God gave His people the assurance their sins were forgiven. In the Old Testament on the Day of Atonement, the priest killed a goat as a sin offering and sprinkled its blood upon the Ark of the Covenant. The priest took a second goat, called the scapegoat, placed his hands upon its head and confessed the sins of the Israelites. A strong man was then selected to take the scapegoat, which now bore the sins of the people, and release it into a desolate area (Leviticus 16:15–22). In this desert place God dealt with the sins of the people. In the same way, God uses your wilderness experience to go after hidden or unacknowledged sins. In His mercy, He takes you there not to harm you, but to deliver you.

GOD REVEALS HIS PROVISION IN THE WILDERNESS
In the wilderness, God displayed His awesome power to provide for His people. “And when the children of Israel saw it, they said one to another, It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the Lord hath given you to eat” (Exodus 16:15). Manna appeared in a place with no delis, grocery stores, fast-food joints or restaurants. The people had to depend on God for their daily sustenance.

If ever you needed to lay hold of the truth that God provides for your every need, it is now! The Lord has promised to care for you, so allow Him to take you to a place where your only resource is Him. Remember, Jesus fed the multitudes on a hillside in a desolate area—and He will do the same for you.

GOD TRAINS DAVID FOR BATTLE IN THE WILDERNESS
David, the youngest son of Jesse, was given the task of tending the family’s sheep. While David watched the flocks grazing in the wilderness, God taught him to trust Him. When the sheep were attacked by a bear and a lion, God enabled David to deliver the lambs out of the mouths of the beasts.

Later, when David visited his brothers on the battlefield, he could not understand why they were letting an evil giant named Goliath belittle the armies of the living God. His brothers prided themselves on being men of stature with all the right training and experience, while David was looked down upon as a common herder. His brothers accused him of weakness, because he was not formally trained in the art of warfare as they were (1 Samuel 17:28). In essence, his older brother said, “You don’t have the armor we possess and you have not had the training we completed. All you have been doing is caring for animals in the wilderness.” They could not comprehend that God was in the wilderness with David. They could not understand that in the wilderness, David found his strength and confidence in God.

David picked up five stones and, with God as his source of strength, confronted and killed Goliath as his brothers looked on. To their amazement, they saw God use a common herder to defeat an enemy which had terrorized the entire army of Israel. You may not understand it now, but what God is teaching you in the wilderness will enable you to bring down your giants in the future.

GOD RAISES MIGHTY WARRIORS IN THE WILDERNESS
King Saul’s jealousy drove David into the wilderness, but there God raised up a small army of discarded men who were in debt, in distress, and discontented. Under David’s leadership, God made these men into mighty warriors and what could have been a wasted time of frustration in his young life turned into triumph. God used David’s time in the wilderness to produce steel in the lives of men who otherwise would have been powerless.

As you read this message, try to grasp the full significance of every difficulty God allows in your life. Through them He will shape you into a mighty man or woman who knows how to trust Him in the dark days ahead. You are being made into a warrior for His kingdom. Your struggles are not wasted with God. In time, you will look back and know that without the wilderness experiences in your life, you could never have accomplished what He designed for you.

GOD USES THE WILDERNESS TO WIN BACK THE BACKSLIDER
In Hosea we see the pattern of how God deals with people when they have strayed from the truth and from His purposes.

“For their mother hath played the harlot: she that conceived them hath done shamefully: for she said, I will go after my lovers, that give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, mine oil and my drink. Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths. And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now. For she did not know that I gave her corn, and wine, and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold, which they prepared for Baal”(Hosea 2:5–8).

The wife refered to in this passage of Scripture was diverted from her true source of provision and sought help elsewhere. Instead of seeking God, she had focused all her attention on this world—and that is Baal worship. God wants you to trust Him alone for all your needs and not seek answers in the powers and institutions of this day and age. There will be no lasting peace or joy if you trust in those systems and not in the Lord your God.

GOD USES THE WILDERNESS TO BREAK STRONGHOLDS
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her. And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt. And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali” (Hosea 2:14–16).

God is saying, “I am going to bring my bride into the wilderness and speak to her there. I will take her far away from the clamor and noise of the things which distracted her. There in the wilderness I will talk to her tenderly and give her vineyards in the Valley of Achor.”

The Valley of Achor was where Achan, a covetous man, was judged soon after Israel entered into Canaan. After the victory of Jericho, Achan was so overcome by the love of gold, silver, brass and clothing that he stole these things and hid them under his tent. His greed brought weakness into the entire camp of Israel and God’s people were defeated by an insignificant army. Achan and all that pertained to him were removed from the camp and he was put to death.

Achan is a type of captivating sin that can lead you astray from the purposes of God. However, God in His mercy will take you to a wilderness where the strongholds that have captivated your heart are dealt with. In your wilderness, He will say, “These things have gripped you for far too long and by the power of the Holy Spirit, I will set you free.”

God does not lead you into the wilderness to harm you. He leads you there to completely depend on Him. The dry places will bring you into a deeper intimacy with Him and you will no longer view Him as being far away. You will come to know Him in closeness and confidence. Your relationship will be a different, more intimate one, and you will call Him husband instead of master.

Through the hard times He will strengthen you by removing those areas which produce weakness. His desire is for the power of the Holy Spirit to flow through your life and the life of the church. God does this so His glory can be made known to the world. God knows that in the wilderness you will turn to Him, know His heart, and walk with Him as the bride of Christ.

GOD WILL OPEN THE WORD TO YOU IN THE WILDERNESS
The Bible says, “In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea” (Matthew 3:1). In the wilderness John was schooled by the Lord and the Word of God came into his heart. By the time he came out of the desert, he was anointed and empowered by God. Through the powerful preaching of this man, God was able to confront an entire backslidden, religious system, because John had heard the Word of God in the wilderness.

In Psalm 74:14, the Scripture tells us that the spoils of victory (the crushing of the head of Leviathan) will be given as meat to the people inhabiting the wilderness. In other words, the meat or food that will sustain you will be the knowledge and revelation that Satan is a defeated foe. His head was crushed when Christ defeated him on Calvary. And the Word of God says that the triumph of that victory will be given to those who have been drawn by God into the wilderness. It is a wisdom which will be revealed to those who do not shun the difficult places but embrace them.

GOD WILL HAVE A BRIDE COMING OUT OF THE WILDERNESS
You and I are about to meet in the wilderness. We are about to meet with Christ there. Very soon the whole church is going into the wilderness; however, the true church will not stay there but will come out in the strength of God. Solomon saw this truth when he wrote, “Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?” (Song of Solomon 8:5). It will be a bride made up of people like you and me who have learned to lean on Christ for everything. This will be a testimony to all! There is a bride in this generation who will come out of the wilderness leaning upon her Beloved. Hallelujah!

Carter Conlon
©2009 Times Square Church

Sense & Sensibilities

I am 28. But I think I have the sense and sensibilities of a 21-year old. I saw the crown of white hair on my father's head just before he disguised it with a new layer of black dye. I have been oblivious to the signs of old age and insecurities creeping into my father's life. I have been busily consumed by my selfish aspirations. Self-gratification and self-fulfillment concealed by a well-conceived plan to improve the lives of my kins. Mere subterfuges.

I wake up to a realization of my father's frailties and fears for what the future might bring. I remember his labor of love and regret my failings as a son. It's time I shoulder some of his burdens for the family. It's time I reassure him of my commitment to the family. He is still fearful of the future but at least now I can share his fears with my renewed sense and sensibilities.

Ode To My Spiritual Father

There are so many words I want to say to you; I hardly know where to begin. John Mayer's Something's Missing plays in my head as I recounted that afternoon at Parkway Parade when you told me you might be leaving church. "Something's missing. And I don't know how to fix it." Something's missing ever since that day. I recalled telling myself that I'd survive the 'normal Christian life", as Watchman Nee termed it. And I thought I'd be able to find another leader whom I can confide in, be accountable to, find inspiration from and model my life after. Well I've been doing largely fine I guess. I mean I'm still clinging onto Christ's robe, barely at times though. But at times when I do allow my mind to indulge in the what-could-have-beens, I can't help but feel a sense of loss. I thought about the times we had fellowship over chicken rice and teh ping, the many disciplining sessions we had, the nights when you bought supper for me as I toiled for my exams in hall, the fun times in hall, the encounter and tribe camps and so many instances when God's grace was manifested in you. I lost more than a friend and brother; I lost a spiritual father.

When you lost your mother to illness, I saw you grieving in the depths of your heart even though you tried to put on a brave front. Strangely somehow I could relate to how you felt; I guess I've been suppressing myself from grieving over the loss of my spiritual father. I don't know of any other way to comfort you other than praying that you'd seek refuge Under His Wings. The one thing I remember you taught me was to hide under His wings and I know He will grant us strength to soar on eagle's wings. If only we'd seek Him.

Nomadic Escapade

I cherish every teeny tiny bit of my trip to Mongolia. This trip marked many firsts and memorables in my experience log, like not showering for a record straight 7 days (ewwww!), traveling on the Trans-Siberian railway (the train ride took 33 hours!), riding on a Russian van with zilch suspension whatsoever through the undulating and bumpy terrain, getting around on horse and camel carts, eating dairy products made from goat's milk (took some getting used to), witnessing the slaughtering of a goat and my highlight of the trip: horse riding.

To be continued...

Fall

Ever wondered why we fall in love with and not rise in love with someone? Other than the picture in my head where one falls into a web signifying love, I have another image. Oftentimes, I find that God's love for me is made even more beautiful and wondrous when I fall, and He picks me up. So I continue to fall, but in His love.

And the wonder of it all
is that I'm living just to fall
more in love with You

Departures

Synopsis:
Daigo Kobayashi (Masahiro Motoki) is a devoted cellist in an orchestra that has just been dissolved and now finds himself without a job. Daigo decides to move back to his old hometown with his wife to look for work and start over. He answers a classified ad entitled "Departures" thinking it is an advertisement for a travel agency only to discover that the job is actually for a "Nokanshi" or "encoffineer," a funeral professional who prepares deceased bodies for burial and entry into the next life. While his wife and others despise the job, Daigo takes a certain pride in his work and begins to perfect the art of "Nokanshi," acting as a gentle gatekeeper between life and death, between the departed and the family of the departed. The film follows his profound and sometimes comical journey with death as he uncovers the wonder, joy and meaning of life and living.

'Departures' must be one of the more meaningful movies I have watched recently. 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' is another one. Both movies really speak to me about the relentless passage of time and its irreversibility. Curiously, Benjamin Button seems to defy the law physically but emotionally and intellectually, he ages just the same. In 'Departures' I am again reminded of the inevitable passing of time and the irreversible choices one make along his journey. I was also kinda stopped in my track as I paused to think of my own life, not unlike Daigo who returned to his hometown in Yamagata to reflect on his life and discover his calling. And his calling became his redemption in the end. How many times have I slowed down to reflect and not allow myself to be consumed by the urgency of 'life's priorities'? At then end of the day, I hope I won't pass through the gate between this life and the next without understanding and making this life count.

Freedom Writer

Yesterday my dajie remarked that I should start writing again. She feels that for me, writing is a therapeutic way of releasing my myriad thoughts. I think she's right. I need to unlock the cage in which my self-talk and reflections have been trapped.

Faith, Or The Lack Of It

As part of my reflections on my journey in US, I wrote this entry in my Moleskine a few days before 2008 ended. Since this entry I've experienced a paradigm shift in faith. But I'm publishing this in any case, to chronicle my growth.

Looking back at 2008, it would suffice for me to say that the past year has been one of my most challenging times in both spiritual and earthly realms. Faith wise, there has never been a more topsy turvy period since my conversion in 2004, as I grapple with fundamental issues in my Christian walk and distractions that come my way. I questioned myself frequently the reality of God in my life - when was my last encounter with Him anyway? I feel vexed about my lack of intimacy with God and not knowing what else can I do to rekindle that fire and passion I once was consumed by - where art Thou?

I have a recurring image that illustrates my Christian walk: a man trudging through a parched valley, or perhaps a canyon, with nothing except a staff. He's thirsty and badly in need of life-giving water. Vultures hover above him, ready to plunge down and scavenge on his shriveled flesh; death lingers in the air. He's helpless and hopless; when he looks to the skies, he sees only the blazing and merciless sun. No distant rumblings and flashes of lightning to give hope of the eminence of rain. He soon stumbles and lies down with his lungs exhaling the last few resigned breaths.

Battered by circumstances and embittered by a lack of choices, I accepted my lot while secretly hoping that the new day will turn out better and that the Lord will grant me renewed strength (Isaiah 40:31, my anchoring verse for 2008). Circumstances did not change and neither did God grant me a mountain-top experience. I shall wait upon You and maybe I will be made more faithful.

Faithful

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense You close, though I know You're always here
But the comfort of You near is what I long for

When I can't feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft Your name, let it roll around my tounge,
knowing You're the only one who knows me
You know me

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

The Pilgrimage

It's been 3 months since my training in California ended. Those 18 months were probably the most memorable time of my life to date. Though I experienced many setbacks, disappointments and failures during my journey, I never regretted leaving for USA on that unforgettable day, March 3, 2007. What a life-changing journey it was! The culmination of my diverse experiences has brought about much learning, broadening of perspectives and reflection. No doubt because of the experiences, I must be going through the second renaissance of my life, the first being when I was inducted into hall life during my varsity days and subsequently became a Christian convert. In retrospect, I went through a fulfilling journey of self-discovery and discovery of the world outside Singapore, much akin to putting on a pair of bifocal lens to see in greater and scope.

What prompted me to write again after a long hiatus is my desire to document my life experiences and thoughts harnessed from my time in USA. I procrastinated for a long time to pen my reflections as I had not fully come to terms with leaving a place I called home. Some mornings I just woke up wishing I were back in my semi-charmed life. Oh well, time to embrace change and move on. And the journey didn't end with my departure from Schwarzeneggerland; I intend to press on and apply all that I've learned. In the days to come, I will return to writing as my way of distillating and crystallizing thoughts and perspectives garnered from my sojourn. What treasure I did gain is the journey itself!

Learning to Breathe

Coldplay Live

So I've been back in sunny Singapore for 2 weeks. Seems surreal most of the time; 17 months passed by so quickly. There are mornings when I thought I had woken up to a perfect strawberry swing in Brisbane (California), greeted by sun rays piercing through the blanket of fog surrounding the hills and right into my windows. Not that I'm discontented with life back home but I just miss that bittersweet journey of my life in US; I spent the best days of my life there.

It seemed like a long time since I watched Coldplay live in San Jose on Jul 18th. Not yet a month has passed but I guess 8500 miles between San Francisco and Singapore somehow fractured the spacetime continuum and made everything in my life come to a standstill for a week or so, before I came to my senses and realized with a full onslaught of emotions that a chapter of my lifestory had been written.

Time to move on the next chapter.

Meanwhile I still recall that perfect morning in my distant memories.

Strawberry Swing

They were sitting

They were sitting on the strawberry swing

Every moment was so precious

They were sitting

They were talking under strawberry swing

Everybody was for fighting

Wouldn't wanna waste a thing

Cold, cold water bring me round

Now my feet won't touch the ground

Cold, cold water what ya say?

When it's such…

It's such a perfect day

I remember

We were walking up to strawberry swing

I can't wait until the morning

Wouldn't wanna change a thing

People moving all the time

Inside a perfectly straight line

Don't you wanna curve away?

When it's such…

It's such a perfect day

It's such a perfect day

Now the sky could be blue

I don't mind

Without you it's a waste of time

Could be blue

I don’t mind

Without you it’s a waste of time

Could be blue, could be grey

Without you I’m just miles away

Could be blue I don’t mind

Without you it’s a waste of time

Death Cab for Cutie Live

Been such a long time since I updated my blog. Time flies and in a month, it's time for me to say goodbye to the US. Singapore seems so foreign to me now; I'm ambivalent about going back cos of the changes I have to go through in relocating again. Right now, I'm packing up my stuff in boxes and I have this bizarre urge to retain as much as I can in these boxes. It's as if I'm trying to compartmentalize all my memories into these 18" by 18" by 24" boxes. I have about 10 boxes now at last count. 

In the midst of my busy schedule, I managed to catch one of my favorite indie bands live at the Greek Theater in UC Berkeley. Oh man, I can't believe I watched Ben Gibbard's band, Death Cab for Cutie live! I fell in love with the band back in 2004 and them appearing in the O.C. (which happens to be my favorite TV show of 2004) further entrenched them in my music id. My concert experience was only marred by the weed-smokers all around me. I can tolerate drinking and perhaps a lil of PDA (public displays of affection), but smelling second-hand ganja is certainly not my cup of tea. If you ever smelled a skunk's repulsive odor, you probably would have a whiff of an idea how offensive second-hand weed fumes smell like, though I think a skunk's odor is the more tolerable of the two. Oh well, whatever. I hope my next 2 concert experiences will be weed-free.

The REAL Singapore Freeze

Date:	Saturday, May 17, 2008
Time:	4:00pm - 5:00pm
Location:	To Be Confirmed

Man, I wanna be part of it too! Imagine people freezing en masse at City Hall MRT Station.

Keep Yourselves In The Love of God

"The love of God. We have lost it today; we have turned our back on the ocean and are looking out over barren, colorless hills for the ocean's fullness. We need converting again - turning around and there basks the ocean, whose waves sparkle and ripple our fathomless deeps and fullnesses. We are too introspective today. We mourn and wonder; then lifted on waves of feeling, we glow and say we love God. But again our feelings ebb and flow and we mourn. Christianity is not a thing of times and seasons, but of God and faith. Drink deep and full of the love of God and you will not demand the impossible from earth's loves; then the love of wife and child, of husband and friend, will grow holier and healthier and simpler and grander."

Oswald Chambers

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything